This will change your life

The information I am about to impart to you may change your life.  I cannot be held responsible.  But I should be given credit.    (Apologies to anyone who actually knows how to make clam chowder. This recipe is completely made up and any resemblance it may bear to a "real" established recipe is completely accidental.)

Tara's Homemade Clam Chowder

What you need:

• 6 pcs Thick cut bacon (smoked and none of that pansy maple stuff)
• 1 large yellow onion
• 6 medium idaho potatoes
• 1 1/2 bottles of beer  
• Salt & pepper
• Cayenne pepper (optional)
  
• 12 oz canned clams   (I used one regular can of baby clams, and one small can of chopped clams)
• 1 cup heavy cream
• saltines
  
• the ability to ignore potential fat content in a bowl of soup

The very strict instructions:

1. Cut up your bacon into small pieces.  Cook it up in a heavy pot.  Set aside and drain away some of the fat (leave about 1-2 tbsp).
2. Cut up your onion into small pieces.  Cook it up in that bacon fat.  Smell the smell and know that you are one with the universe.  
3. Cut up your potatoes into small pieces.  When the onions are brown and translucent, throw in the potatoes, and then cover it all with the beer, then add water until all is covered. Then add a little more.  
4. Add some salt and pepper and a dash or two of cayenne pepper if you are feeling bold.
5. Bring to a low boil.
   
6. Cook cook cook. 
7. When potatoes are tender, open up the clams and throw them all in there, including all the clam juice.  Stir it up.
8. When all is warm through, add the cream.  Call your people to the table.  Serve with saltines and more cold beer. 
9. Sleep the sleep of the righteous.